Hello WordPress, Good-bye Google!

I've been blogging here at Google's Blogger for awhile.

Google makes me nervous. There are a lot of things about their new policies that are bugging me.

I trust my local internet service provider (Sonic.net) and the open source WordPress community more than I trust Google.

So, I'm moving!

My new blog is here: www.erisweaver.info/blog. I won't be adding any more posts here, and eventually will delete this account.

We're Number Last!

I arrived at the client's location and was being given the grand tour, as well as my hosts' perception of the conflicts I was there to mediate. As we chatted about the upcoming session, one of them smilingly asked, "Are we the worst group you've ever worked with?"

Almost EVERY group asks me something along those lines, usually with a grin that seems to indicate that they are hoping that my answer is yes!

This puzzles me.

Right now, the best I can figure is that we all want to feel that we are special in some way. And if the reason that the group is hiring me to mediate is because they are in conflict, well, they're clearly out of the running for the Most Functional Team award. They may as well go for the Most DYSfunctional Team award.

Do other mediators and consultants get this question?

Business Lessons from Improv

I was really tickled to come across this list of Improv Tricks That Will Make You a Better Business Person.  One of my declarations - "Don't work at it, play with it!" - comes from the life lessons I've learned from years of studying, practicing, performing,and teaching improv.

Stop for a moment and think of a problem or issue that you are currently facing. What images come to mind when you think about working on it? What does that make your body feel like? for me, there is a heaviness and seriousness invoked by that phrase. I feel tension and anxiety, maybe even dread. Now take that same issue and imagine what it would be like to play with it instead. What images and feelings does THAT evoke? I feel a lightness, permission to fiddle with it and make mistakes, curiosity. I feel freedom and anticipation.

Too many of us have forgotten what that state feels like. We have turned things that used to be play - sports, games, singing, drawing,etc. - into work. We sign up for classes and worry about whether we are "good enough" at it. We inflict this on our children, putting them into competitive sports younger and younger instead of letting them just play.

Improvisation is fun, and that is a good enough reason to do it! But it  has also helped me:

• Create connection and community
• Be better able to think on my feet
• Become more confident
• Become a better listener
• Become better at "going with the flow"

When I design and facilitate meetings I frequently include exercises or activities that are playful and get people to laugh. I also leave some space in my agendas and know that at some point we may need to deviate from the script and improvise.

The forms I've played with have been Contact Improvisation and InterPlay, but I think any "flavor" of improv that appeals to you works. I occasionally teach an improv class specifically designed to help folks get more comfortable with public speaking and sharing their message in a more impromptu way. 

After all, we don't get a dress rehearsal for live - it's all improv, anyway!

 

Twenty Declarations

I've been working on a piece of homework assigned during a presention by my Australian buddy Donna McGeorge at the 2011 IFVP Conference.  One of her recommendations to us was to make a list of fifty declarations: statements that we know, through our professional expertise, to be absolutely true. This list can then be turned into book chapters, blog posts, etcetera.

I am finding this exercise not only useful, but a lot of fun as well! Here are mine so far:


Eris' Twenty Declarations
1.    Good meeting design, like good graphic design, requires white space.
2.    You don’t have to call on people in the same order in which they raise their hands.
3.    Communication works best if I assume the other person has good intentions.
4.    Adding “but…” to the phrase “I’m sorry” negates the apology.
5.    No one ever complained about a meeting ending early.
6.    You don’t have to be the “official” facilitator to positively affect a meeting.
7.    Don’t work at it, play with it!
8.    It’s possible to enjoy something that you suck at.
9.    There’s no right answer to the wrong question.
10. The only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time; the order of the bites helps.
11. Before you decide HOW to do it, you need to be clear on WHY you’re doing it.
12. If you didn’t document it, it may as well not have happened.
13. You haven’t really made a decision if you haven’t included WHO is going to implement it and WHEN.
14. The only way to make space for quieter people to speak is for louder people to shut up.
15. Don’t let people think they are going to decide if they’re not. They’ll never trust you again.
16. Consensus is not the only tool.
17. If I want things to be different…*I* have to be different!
18. Run your own race.
19. There are no do-overs, only do-betters.
20. Eliminating the “problem person” doesn’t necessarily solve the problem.

I'll explore and elaborate on these over the next six months of posts.

No Do-Overs, Just Do Betters

Recently I had two fairly challenging gigs back to back. Immediately after each one I  floated on a high of exhausted euphoria...I love my work, I did cool stuff, the client had a major breakthrough, etc.  This was followed by a complete crash, in which I picked apart every possible thing I might have done wrong, obsessing over every detail.

The first time I went through this cycle, the high lasted a day or two and the low lasted a couple of weeks. I lost sleep over it. The second cycle was shorter - I crashed after only about four hours. I realized that I completely missed my favorite song on the CD I was listening to because I was perseverating about something negative I'd said during my gig. This time, I was able to step outside myself and notice what I was doing.

This phrase popped into my head: "There are no do-overs, just do betters."

I can't undo what I've already done. Beating myself over the head for my perceived character flaws and bad decisions isn't particularly useful. What I can do, though, is note the places where I could have done better and use the knowledge to do a better job the next time.

November Is Art Every Day Month!

In his book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell discusses the idea that practicing something - anything - for ten thousand hours will make one an expert. I don't know how much science there is behind that magic number, but I don't think anyone would argue that practice is important in building any skill.

Art Every Day Month is a project that I love because not only is it FUN - how could I not enjoy drawing every day and sharing the results with other creative people? - but it gives me an impetus to practice my drawing more than I tend to do without such a prompt. I draw a lot for my work as a graphic recorder; and when I take personal notes on a book I'm reading or a meeting I'm attending, I do so with drawings; but I don't just sit down and draw for practice or for fun as often as I'd like.

I may not make it every day, but I'll use this space to share some of the results of this month's challenge.

Great Expectations

Whether or not we are satisfied with an experience or event depends a great deal upon what our expectations were ahead of time. If the experience meets or exceeds our expectations, we are happy; if it does not, we are disappointed.

In my life and work with intentional communities, I have noticed that those who are most disappointed with community life are those who expected something close to utopia: the gap between that vision and the reality of living & working with real, flawed human beings is uncomfortably large.

I find it helpful to remind myself - and others - that if we are dissatisfied with something, it can be useful to look at what we are comparing it to. Recently, when I heard some neighbors talking about aspects of our community life that aren't working, they seemed to be comparing our current situation with either a utopian vision or some phase in our collective past. Of course, we're different now: members have come and gone, our children have grown, we have aged, our buildings and landscape have aged....should things look the same now as they did "back when?" Perhaps it would benefit us to find new comparisons.

Yesterday, as part of a reflection on our past, present, and future, I took the group through a guided visualization of our daily lives BEFORE we moved into the community. Comparing the richness of  community life with the isolation many had felt before moving here shifted the mood from one of frustration with small details to one of appreciation and celebration for the gifts we share.

Sometimes we can increase our happiness by managing our expectations.